Church bloopers

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- Church bloopers

Post by Christ is My Life! on Mon Oct 01, 2007 5:46 am

Church Bulletin Bloopers:

"For those of you who have children and donít know it, we have a nursery downstairs."

"The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church."

"The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession."

"Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door."

"Anointing
of the sick ... If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation,
contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously
sick by request."

"The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical
accomplishment."

The sermon title this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH

The closing song: RISE UP, O MEN OF GOD

The sermon this morning: GOSSIP ... THE SPEAKING OF EVIL

The closing song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY

The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES # 3 ... EUTHANASIAThe closing song: TAKE MY LIFE

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Christ is My Life! on Mon Oct 01, 2007 6:02 am

Dumb Questions from Lawyers




The following questions by lawyers were taken from actual court documents in America:



  • "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"


  • "Now
    doctor, is it not true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most
    cases he just passes quietly away and doesnít know anything about it
    until the next morning?"


  • Q: "What happened then?"

    A: "He told me, ĎI have to kill you because you can identify me.'"

    Q: "And did he kill you?"


  • "Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?


  • "The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?"


  • "Were you alone or by yourself?"


  • "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"


  • Q: "I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?"

    A: "Thatís me."

    Q: "Were you present when he picture was taken?"


  • "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"


  • Q: "Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated ?"

    A: "By death."

    Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"


  • Q: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"

    A: "Iíll be three months on November 8th."

    Q: "Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "What were you doing at that time?


  • "So you were gone until you returned?"


  • Q: "She had three children right?"

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "How many were boys?"

    A: "None."

    Q: "Were there any girls?"


  • "Mrs. Jones, how many times have you committed suicide?"


  • "You donít know what it was, and you didnít know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"


  • Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"


  • Q: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?"

    A: "The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m."

    Q: "And Mr. Edington was dead at that time?"

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Glory to God on Fri Oct 05, 2007 12:51 pm

"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Wink Those are so funny, I wonder if they have a set of questions and just fill in the blanks for each situation. well

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Christ is My Life! on Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:04 pm

Bulletin Bloopers

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

pig

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Christ is My Life! on Fri Oct 19, 2007 10:06 pm

- The Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



More ...- Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.



- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the
Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend
this tragedy.



- Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.



- A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Christ is My Life! on Sun Nov 04, 2007 1:00 am

pig

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by Saved&lovinit on Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:35 am

Christ is My Life! wrote:Bulletin Bloopers

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

pig

LOL!!! Wink

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- Re: Church bloopers

Post by everready on Thu Nov 08, 2007 1:16 pm



Lawyers




Christ is My Life! wrote:Dumb Questions from Lawyers




The following questions by lawyers were taken from actual court documents in America:





  • "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"


  • "Now
    doctor, is it not true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most
    cases he just passes quietly away and doesnít know anything about it
    until the next morning?"


  • Q: "What happened then?"

    A: "He told me, ĎI have to kill you because you can identify me.'"

    Q: "And did he kill you?"


  • "Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?


  • "The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?"


  • "Were you alone or by yourself?"


  • "Do you have any children or anything of that kind?"


  • Q: "I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture?"

    A: "Thatís me."

    Q: "Were you present when he picture was taken?"


  • "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"


  • Q: "Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated ?"

    A: "By death."

    Q: "And by whose death was it terminated?"


  • Q: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"

    A: "Iíll be three months on November 8th."

    Q: "Apparently then, the date of conception was August 8th?

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "What were you doing at that time?


  • "So you were gone until you returned?"


  • Q: "She had three children right?"

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "How many were boys?"

    A: "None."

    Q: "Were there any girls?"


  • "Mrs. Jones, how many times have you committed suicide?"


  • "You donít know what it was, and you didnít know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"


  • Q: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"

    A: "Yes."

    Q: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"


  • Q: "Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel?"

    A: "The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m."

    Q: "And Mr. Edington was dead at that time?"

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